CHRONOSHRED: The Adventures of Stardust Lazerdong

by Baltimore Rock Opera Society

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    At long last, the physical album manifests itself into this dimension! Awesome gatefold CD with artwork by John de Campos and Shannon Light Hadley

    Includes unlimited streaming of CHRONOSHRED: The Adventures of Stardust Lazerdong via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 9 Baltimore Rock Opera Society releases available on Bandcamp and save 50%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of The Terrible Secret of Lunastus, Gründle Jammers, Brides Of Tortuga, Amphion, The Rock Opera 6-Pack, CHRONOSHRED: The Adventures of Stardust Lazerdong, The Electric Pharaoh, MURDERCASTLE: Original Soundtrack EP, and 1 more. , and , .

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credits

released January 19, 2016

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Baltimore Rock Opera Society Baltimore, Maryland

The Baltimore Rock Opera Society is a passionate community of artists who create unforgettable experiences through live original rock theater. BROS was founded in 2007 by a small group of friends sitting in a basement dreaming of an impossibly enormous story that would be told through the awesome power of rock. ... more

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Track Name: Opening Theme
It ain’t easy, traveling through time
To save a life, or solve a crime
Tomorrow always follows today
Unless you’ve got a Chronoriff to
Guide your way!

(Is it science?) Who knows?
(Is it magic?) Who cares?
(Is it faith?) Hell no!
Is it – Stardust Lazerdong!
And the Galacdicks!

He’s got the world’s biggest ego
(Lazerdong!)
And a functioning libido
(Lazerdong!)
Gonna bring down Bizniz Corp
(Lazerdong! Lazerdong!)

With the power of the Chronoriff
He’ll be there and back in a jiff!
Shredding licks–giving time a warp!
(Lazerdong! Lazerdong!)

Squiddrummer, Rocky, and the crew
Won’t stop until the party’s through!

Travel through time
With the power of rock!
They’ll never fail
If they listen to his ...dong!

Star! Dust lazer! Dong!
And the Galacdicks!
Track Name: Fuck The Dinosaurs
I’ve done so much awesome shit
It would blow your mind
In fact it already has
A thousand times!

Rocking through time and space
Realizing my will
Guided by my awesome boner
I don’t need no pills

We all traveled here in singular unity
Our purpose is clear, we all agree:

Fuck all the dinosaurs!

I’m gonna kill em, I kill all the dinosaurs
I’m gonna crush them all with a meteor

I control the cosmos
I control the course of time
Every desire –
Whatever i want is mine

You know who this is?
It’s motherfucking Mary, Mother of Christ!
You see how pregnant she is?
My sexy behavior sired your savior!

Repeat after me: Bizco sucks!
(Bizco sucks!)
They can suck my butt!
(Can suck my butt!)

The system is dumb!
(The system is dumb!)
Galacdicks are number one!
(Number one!)

We are so fucking awesome! Yeah!
Eat some nachos soon!
In our ship, with some dip
You been rocked by the Galacdicks!!!
Track Name: Under Control
Now, i don’t hate Stardust, truly, I don’t
He’s the one filled with hate
He hates us – misguided, to be sure –
But what isn’t up for a little debate?

He rails against the system
Against its rules so precise
I’ll share the pie
If i get the biggest slice

It’s not about rock music or sales
The users know their role
Market share means nothing
The profits just keep coming
If you’ve got it under control

We lack the ability to fail
When he tries his schemes
We’ll destroy his dreams
If there’s one thing to know
We’ve got it under control

Tried bombing his mail to no avail
Tried smearing his name,
He just got more fame
Tried buying contract, our lawyer smacked
And every copycat has just fallen flat

We attacked his character,
His body, and his mind
We used all the power and leverage
we could find
We’ve exhausted every resource,
And in that there is no doubt
But with this new plan
There’s nothing to worry about

Machinations in motion
Our power only grows
Majestic to behold
If there’s one thing to know
It’s that we’ve got it under control

We’ve appealed to his ego and every desire
We know what he covets
This star shall soon plummet
The best way to control a man...
Is through his stomach.
Track Name: Mega Munchy Macho Nacho Masterpiece
MEGA! MUNCHIE! MACHO! NACHOS!

Corn picked from planet Maise
Baked under gamma rays
Nine suns roast away
For twenty thousand cheesy days!

Blasted to the volcano
Of the spicy flavor gods! (So hot!)
These nachos are so insano
They’ll explode your quads

MEGA! (They’re friggin huge)
MUNCHIE! (They got attitude)
MACHO! (Your muscles will grow)
NACHO!S (These are NOT CHOS YO)

MEGA! MUNCHIE! MACHO! NACHOS!

Spacepeños from the pits
of desert planet Chili 6
Sacred beef and bacon bits
Piled on a flavor blitz!

Guacmole and blackbean slurry
Drizzle on the top (yum yum yum)
Get them now and in a hurry
Before production STOPS!

Megamunchie macho nachos are here for a limited time only while supplies last. Muscle growth may vary based on sex and species. Biscorp is not responsible for any freakish monster-like traits that may follow the consumption of Macho Nachos.

MEGA! MUNCHIE! MACHO! NACHOS!
(Regular food... your days are OVER!)
MEGA! MUNCHIE! MACHO! NACHOS!
(Ride the crunch!)
Track Name: Nova One Hit
Baby bouncing in the business club
Gonna tell me what shoes to wear
I don’t wanna smell your bad perfume
I just wanna shake-a-derrière

Fancy pants, so I gotta strut
And I know you’re looking at my butt
Gonna flex on the dance floor more
Cause I gotta keep up in the cut, oh!

You never moved before like you do tonight
I know you want some more
And I’m gonna do you right

We burned the sun away
So we dont have wait for it to raise
I dont ever quit
Come on everybody its the Nova One Hit now!

One thing about me babe
I’m on the channels you can see
I’m totally legal, and I do mean literally

Drink shots till the bar is shot
Gonna wait till they close the door
Then I kick it open in their face
Till they beggin me play some more, oh!

You never moved before like you do tonight
I know you want some more
And I’m gonna do you right

We burned the sun away
So we dont have wait for it to raise
I dont ever quit
Come on everybody its the Nova One Hit now

Now shwey, then swoopy wooopy wee
Shuffle back and slap the rack
Go haaaaaammm and slippy roll
Everybody ride that slippy roll

If you move like I do
Bizcorp will love you
And yes they love you

Dance until we die!
Movement is our lives
Kinetic energy
Fuels BizCo batteries

You’ve never seen a star like me before
There's never been a star like me before
Comin' at ya straight from BiznizCorp
With the only music you can absorb

Helios, I’m brighter than the sun
Helios, more prime than the number one
Planets try to revolve around me,
But I’m too bright so you all can't see me!

You never moved before like you do tonight
I know you want some more
And i’m gonna do you right

We burned the sun away
So we don't have wait for it to raise
I don't ever quit
Come on everybody it's the Nova One Hit!
Track Name: Young Novalux Prodigy Mini Song
Fuck BizCo! Come to my show!
Eat nachos! Watch me rip!

Burn! Burn you with my Licks!
Lick you with my Chops
Chop you with my
Cosmic super nova dick!
Track Name: Agent of Vengeance
I was orphaned back in ‘83
BizCorp destroyed my family
They stole our label; stole our songs
Help me fight them, Lazerdong!

My parents ran an Indie label (It rocked)
Local artists in their local markets (Lo-cal)
BizCorp bought us out and set me up
(Biz-ness)
401k, dental, and also killed my parents!

They think I’ll comply
I’ll take them down from inside!

Cuz I’m an agent of vengeance
Let the system beware,
I’ll take their market share
Agent of vengeance
No more royalty fees, I’ll set music free

I’m starting a label
And you’re gonna work for me

Young Novalux you are misguided (Stu-pid)
Seeking fame as a corporate slave
(Sell-Out!)
And Lazerdong, you’re wrong to work alone (Join Me)
Don’t wait to see which way the record plays!

We’re fighting a war
Let’s fucking burn down BiznizCorp!

Cuz I’m an agent of vengeance
I’m not fucking around,
Pull the Billboard charts down!
Agent of vengeance
Rip out their spines,
And bathe in their blood!

I’m building an army
And you’re gonna kill for me (For me)
You’re gonna work for me (Vengeance)
You’re gonna bow to me!
Track Name: Old Fashioned X-Treme Future LaserGuitar Showdown
Novalux
Just wanted approval
Now I think you’re a fraud
I’ll settle for removal
Of the reigning “rock god”

Lazerdong
You call that crap playing?
I’ve left better shits in the commode
Now bask in this slaying
Of the mixolydian mode

Novalux
That mode’s super stale
It’s just a glorified blues scale
Your technique is way lacking
Now check this sweet two-handed tapping!

Lazerdong
Yeah, “great” – what’re you, twelve?
Keep that shit to yourself
You’ll go into histrionics
For these fucking pinch harmonics

Mercury
You can’t escape that easily!
Anywhere you go, I follow
You’ve got no choice but to join
Lets take down BizCo – you cant say no!

Novalux
You think you’re so great,
But you actually really suck –

Mercury
I can follow you through space
Through any time, any place
There is nowhere you can go
That I can not follow
Track Name: T.I.M.E.C.O.P.'s Existential Crisis
Left without purpose
No one at the controls
Do i have value?
Metal without a soul

Always followed orders
Ever since i was made;
My purpose is to serve
Till a new upgrade

Moment to moment
Commands pulse through wires
Why do i feel so broken?
My core’s corrupted, aimless and dire

Is this a copy error
Or a cruel phishing bot?
Could this be love? Or...
Err, no... Probably not

My heart’s blown a gasket
Like the battery’s run low
Like hugging a magnet
My spark no longer glows

Moment to moment
Commands pulse through wires
Past, future, present, our tasks never cease
Until we all are “retired”

0100, 0010,
0101, 0101,
01010100,
01010100

Moment to moment
Commands pulse through wires
Spending each new cycle
At our operator’s heel
We follow her desires

Your memories intact
No broken disk drive
You are not yet scrapped
We can make you alive

Without you, operator
It’s like nothing computes
I need you, operator
Reboot. Reboot. Reboot.
Track Name: Lazer/Holodong Duet
Holodong
The universe is made of lazers
And sooner or later you’ll see what I mean
Ive been there, and I’ve been then
I know how it begins and how it ends

Lazerdong / Holodong
So, you are me? / And I am you

Both
Together there’s nothing we can’t do

Lazerdong / Holodong
We won't do / We haven't done?

Both
And the best is yet to come
We are more than they know
They can hardly comprehend

Holodong
How the river of time does flow
And what’s around the bend!

Both
We’ve been there, and we’ve been then,
We know how it all begins and how it ends

Lazerdong / Holodong
So, you are me? / And I am you

Both
Together theres nothing we can’t do

Lazerdong / Holodong
Lazerdong / And Lazerdong!

Both
We know how it begins and how it ends
Kicking ass in the future and the past,
We will always be best friends!

Lazerdong / Holodong
Lazerdong / And Lazerdong!

Both
We know how it begins and how it ends
Kicking ass in the future and the past,
We will always be best friends!
Track Name: The Coxxukulent Experience (I Love Bein' Your Dick, Man)
Imagine, if you can, a planet so pure
Where crevices and crannies were filled
With a kind and gentle folk

Who never knew war, strife, or pain
For we could communicate with our brains
Sharing every thought
Meant we were the same, until...

An evil corporation, hell-bent for profit
Decided to make a product
From our telepathic juice

By removing our genitals
This business developed the chemicals
For brain control
From our extrasensory oooze

And then, to keep their secret,
This megacorporate deviant
Bombed us to death
From orbit... but...

Though the death toll was planet-wide
I escaped the genocide
Rode the explosion through space

While you were blasted adrift
By your first Chronoriff
That’s when our bodies interlaced

I’ve been the laser in your dong
Keeping vengeance in my plans
I gave the world your song
And it turns out I love bein’ your dick, man.

Our junk is now seamless
And i’ll let you in on a secret
That evil corporation was BiznizCorp

You know life is better when i’m around
Been with you through thin and thick!
Let’s bury BiznizCorp in the ground

I love bein’ your dick –
Please don’t be a dick –
I wanna keep being your dick, man!
Track Name: Biggest Bang / Agent of Vengeance Reprise
Lazerdong:
Everyone tries to control me
Or ride my awesome wake
So I’m rewriting existence
Cause it was always mine to take

I’m more than my junk,
Done with the codpiece facades
No longer Lazerdong
I’m becoming Lazergod!

Mercury:
I wanted to destroy BizCo
Then you went and killed me
If that’s the thanks I get
Then here’s my guarantee
Now BizCo shall fall
In the future, I’ll rule you all

I’m an agent of vengeance
I will rewrite time, now the future is mine
I’m an agent of vengeance
You’ll never exist cause I’m super pissed

My kickass bodies cybernetic
And your lazer prick’s just pathetic
Track Name: Biggest Vengeance
This rock breathes new creation
A fresh dimensionality
We’ll use this moment
We’ll make a free reality

Listen up, everything
I’m about to create you all
I’ll be your Queen
Get on your knees and crawl

Know my family’s legacy
What it means to be a Mercury
Is to bring music to the masses
BizCo tried to buy me,
So I kicked their asses

Listen up, infinity
I’m the new taste-maker
Get in my way
And I’ll be your undertaker

Defining the whole music scene
I’m the start of everything
My will knows no bounds
All existence made from my sounds
Track Name: LazerGod
Adrift, outside of time
Before there was space
Power, so sublime
Power without grace

It all becomes so clear
Here before time
Allowing no one near
The only loss was mine
The only loss was mine

Before evil or good
Before effect or cause
I was destined to do this
To become a god
An awesome Lazergod

Power isn’t in your actions
It doesn’t come from strength
Everyone divided into factions
Keeping others at arms length

You won’t achieve fame
If fame is your only goal
Wanting to control art
Will surely drain your soul

I was misguided
Shortsighted and insecure
But now I can see
What it means to be me

Supporting those around you
Building your friends up strong
The power of togetherness
Is greater than any song

I could have fixed every world
Instead i sought my own bliss
Now I have so much power
The only thing I can do is this

Reshape the very universe
It’ll all be better soon
I can fix everything
Make sure it’s all in tune

No longer misguided
My wrongs will be righted for sure
And now I can see
What it means to be me

Supporting those around you
Building us all up strong
Everyone shall be united
In the echo of my song