CHRONOSHRED: The Adventures of Stardust Lazerdong

by Baltimore Rock Opera Society

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    At long last, the physical album manifests itself into this dimension! Awesome gatefold CD with artwork by John de Campos and Shannon Light Hadley

    Includes unlimited streaming of CHRONOSHRED: The Adventures of Stardust Lazerdong via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 11 Baltimore Rock Opera Society releases available on Bandcamp and save 50%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Welcome to Shakesville, Incredibly Dead!, The Terrible Secret of Lunastus, Gründle Jammers, Brides Of Tortuga, Amphion, The Rock Opera 6-Pack, CHRONOSHRED: The Adventures of Stardust Lazerdong, and 3 more. , and , .

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1.
It ain’t easy, traveling through time To save a life, or solve a crime Tomorrow always follows today Unless you’ve got a Chronoriff to Guide your way! (Is it science?) Who knows? (Is it magic?) Who cares? (Is it faith?) Hell no! Is it – Stardust Lazerdong! And the Galacdicks! He’s got the world’s biggest ego (Lazerdong!) And a functioning libido (Lazerdong!) Gonna bring down Bizniz Corp (Lazerdong! Lazerdong!) With the power of the Chronoriff He’ll be there and back in a jiff! Shredding licks–giving time a warp! (Lazerdong! Lazerdong!) Squiddrummer, Rocky, and the crew Won’t stop until the party’s through! Travel through time With the power of rock! They’ll never fail If they listen to his ...dong! Star! Dust lazer! Dong! And the Galacdicks!
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I’ve done so much awesome shit It would blow your mind In fact it already has A thousand times! Rocking through time and space Realizing my will Guided by my awesome boner I don’t need no pills We all traveled here in singular unity Our purpose is clear, we all agree: Fuck all the dinosaurs! I’m gonna kill em, I kill all the dinosaurs I’m gonna crush them all with a meteor I control the cosmos I control the course of time Every desire – Whatever i want is mine You know who this is? It’s motherfucking Mary, Mother of Christ! You see how pregnant she is? My sexy behavior sired your savior! Repeat after me: Bizco sucks! (Bizco sucks!) They can suck my butt! (Can suck my butt!) The system is dumb! (The system is dumb!) Galacdicks are number one! (Number one!) We are so fucking awesome! Yeah! Eat some nachos soon! In our ship, with some dip You been rocked by the Galacdicks!!!
5.
Now, i don’t hate Stardust, truly, I don’t He’s the one filled with hate He hates us – misguided, to be sure – But what isn’t up for a little debate? He rails against the system Against its rules so precise I’ll share the pie If i get the biggest slice It’s not about rock music or sales The users know their role Market share means nothing The profits just keep coming If you’ve got it under control We lack the ability to fail When he tries his schemes We’ll destroy his dreams If there’s one thing to know We’ve got it under control Tried bombing his mail to no avail Tried smearing his name, He just got more fame Tried buying contract, our lawyer smacked And every copycat has just fallen flat We attacked his character, His body, and his mind We used all the power and leverage we could find We’ve exhausted every resource, And in that there is no doubt But with this new plan There’s nothing to worry about Machinations in motion Our power only grows Majestic to behold If there’s one thing to know It’s that we’ve got it under control We’ve appealed to his ego and every desire We know what he covets This star shall soon plummet The best way to control a man... Is through his stomach.
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MEGA! MUNCHIE! MACHO! NACHOS! Corn picked from planet Maise Baked under gamma rays Nine suns roast away For twenty thousand cheesy days! Blasted to the volcano Of the spicy flavor gods! (So hot!) These nachos are so insano They’ll explode your quads MEGA! (They’re friggin huge) MUNCHIE! (They got attitude) MACHO! (Your muscles will grow) NACHO!S (These are NOT CHOS YO) MEGA! MUNCHIE! MACHO! NACHOS! Spacepeños from the pits of desert planet Chili 6 Sacred beef and bacon bits Piled on a flavor blitz! Guacmole and blackbean slurry Drizzle on the top (yum yum yum) Get them now and in a hurry Before production STOPS! Megamunchie macho nachos are here for a limited time only while supplies last. Muscle growth may vary based on sex and species. Biscorp is not responsible for any freakish monster-like traits that may follow the consumption of Macho Nachos. MEGA! MUNCHIE! MACHO! NACHOS! (Regular food... your days are OVER!) MEGA! MUNCHIE! MACHO! NACHOS! (Ride the crunch!)
9.
Nova One Hit 03:29
Baby bouncing in the business club Gonna tell me what shoes to wear I don’t wanna smell your bad perfume I just wanna shake-a-derrière Fancy pants, so I gotta strut And I know you’re looking at my butt Gonna flex on the dance floor more Cause I gotta keep up in the cut, oh! You never moved before like you do tonight I know you want some more And I’m gonna do you right We burned the sun away So we dont have wait for it to raise I dont ever quit Come on everybody its the Nova One Hit now! One thing about me babe I’m on the channels you can see I’m totally legal, and I do mean literally Drink shots till the bar is shot Gonna wait till they close the door Then I kick it open in their face Till they beggin me play some more, oh! You never moved before like you do tonight I know you want some more And I’m gonna do you right We burned the sun away So we dont have wait for it to raise I dont ever quit Come on everybody its the Nova One Hit now Now shwey, then swoopy wooopy wee Shuffle back and slap the rack Go haaaaaammm and slippy roll Everybody ride that slippy roll If you move like I do Bizcorp will love you And yes they love you Dance until we die! Movement is our lives Kinetic energy Fuels BizCo batteries You’ve never seen a star like me before There's never been a star like me before Comin' at ya straight from BiznizCorp With the only music you can absorb Helios, I’m brighter than the sun Helios, more prime than the number one Planets try to revolve around me, But I’m too bright so you all can't see me! You never moved before like you do tonight I know you want some more And i’m gonna do you right We burned the sun away So we don't have wait for it to raise I don't ever quit Come on everybody it's the Nova One Hit!
10.
Fuck BizCo! Come to my show! Eat nachos! Watch me rip! Burn! Burn you with my Licks! Lick you with my Chops Chop you with my Cosmic super nova dick!
11.
I was orphaned back in ‘83 BizCorp destroyed my family They stole our label; stole our songs Help me fight them, Lazerdong! My parents ran an Indie label (It rocked) Local artists in their local markets (Lo-cal) BizCorp bought us out and set me up (Biz-ness) 401k, dental, and also killed my parents! They think I’ll comply I’ll take them down from inside! Cuz I’m an agent of vengeance Let the system beware, I’ll take their market share Agent of vengeance No more royalty fees, I’ll set music free I’m starting a label And you’re gonna work for me Young Novalux you are misguided (Stu-pid) Seeking fame as a corporate slave (Sell-Out!) And Lazerdong, you’re wrong to work alone (Join Me) Don’t wait to see which way the record plays! We’re fighting a war Let’s fucking burn down BiznizCorp! Cuz I’m an agent of vengeance I’m not fucking around, Pull the Billboard charts down! Agent of vengeance Rip out their spines, And bathe in their blood! I’m building an army And you’re gonna kill for me (For me) You’re gonna work for me (Vengeance) You’re gonna bow to me!
12.
Novalux Just wanted approval Now I think you’re a fraud I’ll settle for removal Of the reigning “rock god” Lazerdong You call that crap playing? I’ve left better shits in the commode Now bask in this slaying Of the mixolydian mode Novalux That mode’s super stale It’s just a glorified blues scale Your technique is way lacking Now check this sweet two-handed tapping! Lazerdong Yeah, “great” – what’re you, twelve? Keep that shit to yourself You’ll go into histrionics For these fucking pinch harmonics Mercury You can’t escape that easily! Anywhere you go, I follow You’ve got no choice but to join Lets take down BizCo – you cant say no! Novalux You think you’re so great, But you actually really suck – Mercury I can follow you through space Through any time, any place There is nowhere you can go That I can not follow
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Left without purpose No one at the controls Do i have value? Metal without a soul Always followed orders Ever since i was made; My purpose is to serve Till a new upgrade Moment to moment Commands pulse through wires Why do i feel so broken? My core’s corrupted, aimless and dire Is this a copy error Or a cruel phishing bot? Could this be love? Or... Err, no... Probably not My heart’s blown a gasket Like the battery’s run low Like hugging a magnet My spark no longer glows Moment to moment Commands pulse through wires Past, future, present, our tasks never cease Until we all are “retired” 0100, 0010, 0101, 0101, 01010100, 01010100 Moment to moment Commands pulse through wires Spending each new cycle At our operator’s heel We follow her desires Your memories intact No broken disk drive You are not yet scrapped We can make you alive Without you, operator It’s like nothing computes I need you, operator Reboot. Reboot. Reboot.
15.
Holodong The universe is made of lazers And sooner or later you’ll see what I mean Ive been there, and I’ve been then I know how it begins and how it ends Lazerdong / Holodong So, you are me? / And I am you Both Together there’s nothing we can’t do Lazerdong / Holodong We won't do / We haven't done? Both And the best is yet to come We are more than they know They can hardly comprehend Holodong How the river of time does flow And what’s around the bend! Both We’ve been there, and we’ve been then, We know how it all begins and how it ends Lazerdong / Holodong So, you are me? / And I am you Both Together theres nothing we can’t do Lazerdong / Holodong Lazerdong / And Lazerdong! Both We know how it begins and how it ends Kicking ass in the future and the past, We will always be best friends! Lazerdong / Holodong Lazerdong / And Lazerdong! Both We know how it begins and how it ends Kicking ass in the future and the past, We will always be best friends!
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Imagine, if you can, a planet so pure Where crevices and crannies were filled With a kind and gentle folk Who never knew war, strife, or pain For we could communicate with our brains Sharing every thought Meant we were the same, until... An evil corporation, hell-bent for profit Decided to make a product From our telepathic juice By removing our genitals This business developed the chemicals For brain control From our extrasensory oooze And then, to keep their secret, This megacorporate deviant Bombed us to death From orbit... but... Though the death toll was planet-wide I escaped the genocide Rode the explosion through space While you were blasted adrift By your first Chronoriff That’s when our bodies interlaced I’ve been the laser in your dong Keeping vengeance in my plans I gave the world your song And it turns out I love bein’ your dick, man. Our junk is now seamless And i’ll let you in on a secret That evil corporation was BiznizCorp You know life is better when i’m around Been with you through thin and thick! Let’s bury BiznizCorp in the ground I love bein’ your dick – Please don’t be a dick – I wanna keep being your dick, man!
18.
Lazerdong: Everyone tries to control me Or ride my awesome wake So I’m rewriting existence Cause it was always mine to take I’m more than my junk, Done with the codpiece facades No longer Lazerdong I’m becoming Lazergod! Mercury: I wanted to destroy BizCo Then you went and killed me If that’s the thanks I get Then here’s my guarantee Now BizCo shall fall In the future, I’ll rule you all I’m an agent of vengeance I will rewrite time, now the future is mine I’m an agent of vengeance You’ll never exist cause I’m super pissed My kickass bodies cybernetic And your lazer prick’s just pathetic
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This rock breathes new creation A fresh dimensionality We’ll use this moment We’ll make a free reality Listen up, everything I’m about to create you all I’ll be your Queen Get on your knees and crawl Know my family’s legacy What it means to be a Mercury Is to bring music to the masses BizCo tried to buy me, So I kicked their asses Listen up, infinity I’m the new taste-maker Get in my way And I’ll be your undertaker Defining the whole music scene I’m the start of everything My will knows no bounds All existence made from my sounds
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LazerGod 03:27
Adrift, outside of time Before there was space Power, so sublime Power without grace It all becomes so clear Here before time Allowing no one near The only loss was mine The only loss was mine Before evil or good Before effect or cause I was destined to do this To become a god An awesome Lazergod Power isn’t in your actions It doesn’t come from strength Everyone divided into factions Keeping others at arms length You won’t achieve fame If fame is your only goal Wanting to control art Will surely drain your soul I was misguided Shortsighted and insecure But now I can see What it means to be me Supporting those around you Building your friends up strong The power of togetherness Is greater than any song I could have fixed every world Instead i sought my own bliss Now I have so much power The only thing I can do is this Reshape the very universe It’ll all be better soon I can fix everything Make sure it’s all in tune No longer misguided My wrongs will be righted for sure And now I can see What it means to be me Supporting those around you Building us all up strong Everyone shall be united In the echo of my song
21.

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released January 19, 2016

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Baltimore Rock Opera Society Baltimore, Maryland

The Baltimore Rock Opera Society is a passionate community of artists who create unforgettable experiences through live original rock theater. BROS was founded in 2007 by a small group of friends sitting in a basement dreaming of an impossibly enormous story that would be told through the awesome power of rock. ... more

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